Wheels spinning!

Great quote I found: "I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs. " Frederick Douglass

I like that quote a lot, especially right now. It's about prayer and how it doesn't work. But to me, it also shows how anything that has to be done just must be done.

All day, I've been trying to get motivated to do.... anything. The most I've accomplished is making a pot of coffee, fooling around with CSS templates and trying not to fall asleep. I'm soooooo tired!

Yesterday was really hard after my daughter, Rei, came home. Some days, her autism affects us more than other days. It's so hard for me to get her to listen and do as she is supposed to. When she got home, I was thinking we would have a good afternoon. I had been painting and she liked my painting of fish. She was really excited. Then I told her we had to go shopping. She likes to shop and ride in the car. But when we got to the store, she broke down. She didn't want to hold my hand, she wanted to run around and when she saw a zebra statuette, freaked out because I wouldn't buy it for her. Typical kid stuff, huh? I guess the difference with an autistic kid is that everything is jacked up several levels. She was on the floor screaming or in the cart screaming and this made my son, Ian, scream, too. He loves Rei and does what she does.

At home, I tried to get her to sit down and color, do something constructive. This was a battle, too. All she wanted to do was watch TV. By this time, my nerves were hell-a frayed. I was so upset: with Rei and even more, with myself. I don't blame Rei for the trouble that we have. She's a little girl and no matter what, it's my job to help her grow into an adult. If she's having behavior problems, then I am not doing something right.

I'm not sure how to handle things sometimes. All she wants to do is watch TV and have her way. Explaining things, reward systems, time-outs.... these have little effect at home.

At school, I know that she listens, works quietly at her desk, follows instructions... ect. But at home, it's a battle. It's hard to have this kind of pressure. It's really, really hard.

Then, last night, my son couldn't sleep. So I was up and down all night with him. So I'm tired.

But I need to get my legs moving. I can't spin my wheels. There are answers and I must find them.